The end.

I have chosen to stay silent, and if you have noticed, I have refused to blog for the longest time. It was a choice, not negligence.

The shit has finally hit the fan, and it really has boiled down to the crux now.

It’s time I closed this blog down.

It holds our memories.

I need a fresh sheet. A new start.

Sigh.

After studying for so long,

I would have loved to hear your voice.

I would have loved to talk to you.

but, oh well.

enjoy yourself.

Seeeeeeeshaaaa

eeeheh

I may be busy bun,

but i still missed you today.

muaks.

Is it possible?

Is it possible?

Is it possible to love two people at the same time? To be happy with both at the same time?

Is it possible, to split your heart into two?

Is it possible to feel so loved by her, knowing she would make the other feel equally loved? Does she tell him, the same things she tell me. does she?

This is so uncertain, and yes, i feel insecure.

But darling, you are now fair, to me. That i have to admit.

And yes, I love you, a hell much.

I survived the test of time, and I am still standing here.

Now, put him to the test.  

***

School, duty, camp, dragon boat.

These are draining the life out of me.

and on top of that, i still have to juggle my social life and love life.

No matter what happens, i will pull through.

When there is a will, there is a way.

Another 1 and a half years.  thats all.

and everything will be much easier.

Yes bun, we’ll do it together.

Supporting each other along the way

The pursuit of happyness.

It’s nice to go out and have fun. It’s nice to hug her to sleep.  It’s nice to go walk down Arab street, and do things we have never done before. It’s nice when it feels like before. It’s nice when its as if time stands still. It’s nice when you can feel her love for you. It’s nice when you know the two of you are genuinely having fun together. It’s nice when you just stroll down orchard road hand in hand. It’s nice, when you feel truly happy, after a long, long time.

But, it sucks when you have to share the person you love. Knowing that the very next day, she would be doing the exact same thing with somebody else.

I wish I could call you mine, but you wouldn’t have it. I guess, having half of you, is better than having none at all.

I know girls, very 3dL.

Liar.

You lied.

H a p p y

ohh. It’s been sometime since i blogged.

Well a rough recap of my week.

Sunday was the usual habit of mahjong with the girls.

Monday Tuesday and Wednesday was one of the most tiring days of my life.

From hectic camp activities, parades, meeting bun, meeting my friends, going down to school. This week has really been crazy. Thank god for national day.

***

It’s kind of ironic, you say you don’t like those ‘talks’ i have with you, because you really are confused.

But somehow, the situation always seems to slowly improve after each one of those talks.

well, I really had a great time with you tonight.

and i’m sure i’ll have a wonderful time with you tomorrow baby.

***

It’s been a really long time, but tonight, I really am, feeling truly happy.

detcejed.

ouy ekam em leef ekil gniveal.

s’ti ko navi. tsuj 6 erom syad ot 2 skeew.

t’nac ouy tsuj evol em kcab?

***

The secret of love,

is to give, 100%.

the cruise.

You didn’t sms or call back.

And i sit here, dreaming of you.

Hope you are enjoying yourself.

I love you.

Chewie

” I missed you, I thought about you, I dreamed about you, and it was all sweet.”  

It may be hard to be lovers, but it’s harder to be friends. Baby, pull down the covers, it’s time u let me in. Maybe light a couple of candles, and I’ll just go ahead and lock the door. If you’ll just talk to me baby, till we ain’t strangers anymore.

Lay your head on my pillow, I’ll sit beside you on the bed, don’t u think its time we said some things we haven’t said. It ain’t too late to get back to that place, back to the place we thought it was before. Why don’t you look at me till we ain’t strangers anymore.

Sometimes it’s hard to love me, sometimes it’s hard to love you too. I know it’s difficult believing that love can pull us through. It would be so easy living life with one foot out the door. Just hold onto me baby, till we ain’t strangers anymore.

It’s hard to find forgiveness when we just turn out the lights. It’s hard to say sorry when you can’t tell wrong from right.

It would be so easy,  to just spending your whole damn life keeping score. So let’s get down to it baby, there is no need to lie. Tell me who you think you see, when you look into my eyes. Let’s put our two hearts back together and leave the broken pieces on the floor. Make love to me baby, till we ain’t strangers anymore.

We walk by faith, not by sight.

Bubble tea and duck rice.

“Just because we failed once at love, it doesn’t mean that we are meant to fail.”

Wow. It has been a real roller coaster ride of emotions, and I’m pretty sure the ride has hardly begun.  I do however, have to admit that the entire situation has been improved, well at least I know now, how you really feel. And let me tell you baby, I am here to stay.

Well, admitting your feelings, is the first step to actually getting to know yourself better. I’m glad we had that two hour, completely open talk. Where you shared your fears, your joys, your emotions. I don’t know whether what you told me was completely the truth or not, but i choose to believe it.

***

It was really nice over at your house tonight. Just chilling, watching TV, cuddling. It was just so, nostalgic. Like what we were before. For a brief moment, drowned in my sleepy stupor, i believed, we were actually like before. Just for a second.

***

Sometimes i don’t really know what the hell i am doing. I don’t know what mess I’m getting into. Sometimes i just feel so, small, so incipient, compared to him. But you keep reassuring me about what you want. Sometimes, just sometimes, i wish, you could treasure me that little bit more.

Sometimes, just because i handle a situation better on the outside, doesn’t mean you can be cruel to me. and not to him, because you think he would crumble any second.

Sometimes, I just feel that if i don’t make myself that readily available to you, perhaps, perhaps you may miss me more. treasure me more. love me more.

Somehow i just feel, that I’m hanging onto nothing. That despite all we have been through, and all you feel. It just isn’t good enough.

Please, please, please, don’t ever take my love and emotions for granted. I love you deeply, but you know, I won’t be here forever, waiting.

You said your heart can’t be split into two. I know where your heart lies, and I am happy. But sometimes, just sometimes, i wonder to myself, how long your heart will stay where it is.

Listen to your heart, and let it lead you to wherever it may choose to go. We are only young once.

***

If we do actually manage, at the end of the day, to make something out of this. I want to go get another tattoo with you.

And it will read,  22 always, in Hebrew.

***

I’m kinda sad, that i won’t be seeing or hearing from you till you get back from your cruise. And honest to God, I will miss you dearly. But do enjoy yourself. I love you.

Set free.

“You have to learn the patience of love, because love isn’t perfect, love is just love.” 

If you want to be set free, then free you shall be.
Goodbye.

Excerpt from Selena’s “dreaming of you” 

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I’d stay up and think of you
And I still can’t believe that you came up to me
And said, “I love you; I love you too”

Now I’m dreaming with you tonight
Till tomorrow, and for all of my life
And there’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming with you endlessly.. .

And yes, I still remember you wanted the one who walks down the aisle with you to sing this for you at your wedding.

flicker, flicker.

“13″

The ambers have not died out yet.

They still glow fiercely, dying to break out of their glow into a full born flame.

The wind blows past constantly, threatening to extinguish the very last hope.

Yes, in the dark i still can see it.

Faint hues of orange. Little specks of amber, flickering in the dark.

Hope, yes hope.

It’s weak, and little, but it’s still hope.

and we all need it.

Even me.

letting go.

I met you last night at the lift lobby.

I had initially planned and rehearsed to myself what i would tell you, if i ever met you.

But upon seeing you, i couldn’t utter any of it out.

It was too surreal. Too close.

I don’t want you to be sorry for me.

Wennie chose you, and that is sufficient for me.

Take care of her, pamper her, make her happy, and most importantly, love her. Love her with a complete heart, love her as if everyday would be the last. Love her like you have loved no other before.

I felt your warmth when i met you. and from the bottom of my heart, i swear you are a really good guy. A guy, good enough for her. and i honestly am, happy for the both of you.

Happy because even thou i can’t take care of her anymore, I know you will be doing an excellent job at it.

and you, Wennie chew. I’m happy for you, because you are happier with him, and i love you enough to let go.